I don’t feel like I’m dependent on my brother and I see him 1-3 times a week during school if I’m lucky and like once a month in the summer, but we’ve always lived within a few miles of each other, and now he is moving all the way across the country. My oldest brother has left before and moved a few states away but it didn’t affect me how losing my closer brother is affecting me.
He’s always been so smart and perceptive, he tells me what I need to know, not what I want to hear. And he always knows the answers to the questions I have about what I should do or where I should go or anything. I’m used to being able to drive a few blocks and hangout, and I still can, for the next 20 days.
I used to tell him my decisions to do things before I told anybody else because I always valued his opinion above anybody else’s. Even above my friends or my mother. Just the way he sees things is so different from the rest of the world.
I haven’t dealt with the fact that he is leaving me, I’m just not accepting it yet. Like I think I am just starting to now, even though I’ve known he would be leaving since November. Just as I’m typing this my eyes are watering a bit and I’m starting to realize that I’m losing him.
Sure there is Skype, and phone calls and text messages but it isn’t the same. He has always been there. As a young girl when we walked to elementary school together I never realized it, as a middle school kid when he helped me through math class, I never realized it, and as a high school student when I felt out of place and weird among all the kids, he knew exactly what to say to me so I knew that I didn’t need to bow to the pressure of being like everybody else. I didn’t realize it then either.
He has always been there for me, he has always known what to say, what to do. And I’m just realizing it now. Now that is he almost gone.
I don’t know what I’m going to do without him. He seemed like such a little part of my life until I found out I’m losing him, and now it seems like he is the greatest part of my life.
Jessi
Concrete Globe 